And then she Woke Up
The voice that speaks to your spirit soft, somber, peaceful and clear will never misguide your life. We are warned and advised many times and we do not accept God’s voice. I continued to hear the words, there is someone who values every part of you that “I” God have created. MIND, BODY & SOUL.
I knew better but, did I do better? Absolutely not!!! Some of us have heads as hard as rocks. Lol Being hard head comes with a cost.
Journal reflection written many years ago!!!!
I feel like the biggest freaking fool ever!!! Why am I hurt? I knew better!! I knew it would never work because I can't make someone be who I want them to be. I can only choose to except them for who they truly are!!! A woman should feel respected appreciated and like a queen daily! Yet I feel like I'm a secret. Only a small portion of me is good enough to be shown to the world. I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't in a relationship with me wholeheartedly. Making me feel shameful of who I am and what qualities I possess. I’ve been giving everybody else advice about their worth only to be selling my own self short. I know better so it's time to do better!!! Yes my feelings may be shaken. At this very moment I must stand firm and make a decision and take control of my life. Annette stop living like a clown. There’s no need to get back. This will only make me look bad. I am worthy of someone who truly appreciates every part of me. Every day of the week not just when it's convenient. I've come a long way and I do know that I posses the qualities and traits of a good woman. God will not bless a mess so, my change must start today. I have finally admitted the truth. I am not happy with the way I have allowed myself to live. I’m living a lie and I’m not proud of this relationship!!
And.......I continued to stay several years later!
I’m sure many people may not understand the severity of a an internal battle. Some of us are bound in less than healthy situations for many years. It’s almost like chains are connecting you to the person or situation. I mean you wanna break away but it doesn’t seem possible. The battle is solely about the individual and the peace that we are sacrificing.
The enemy desires to keep our mind in a space of chaos and confusion. I spoke words of encouragement to myself over and over again. However for some reason my actions weren’t lining up.
I still don’t quite understand how I managed to allow myself to continue to feel hurt and misrepresented for so long. I do know that God’s timing prevailed and allowed me to release myself. I tried to walk away a few times. I’m convinced I wasn’t as ready as I thought. I began to sincerely pray and affirm my feelings of self worth daily. Slowly the chains begin to break.
I acknowledged my imperfections and the healing process begun. Seek God in every aspect of your life and ahead to his advice please.
The battle was never with anyone else. The battle was with me and who I was becoming. Growth isn’t always easy. It can be uncomfortable and complicated. Through my pain and discomfort, I begin to love me. I had forgotten to love me as much as I loved others.
Staying in a situation does not always solidify weakness. Sometimes we find ourself in a less desirable circumstance because God knows if we’re released prematurely we may not be prepared or appreciative of blessings that lie ahead.
What was meant to be will be. Trust God’s guidance. There is no perfect road to recovery but I do believe there is beauty in every painful situation. Decide to be free today!!!!! Life is so much more enjoyable when you’re Happy!