As youth we think we can hide certain things from our parents and they won’t find out. In reality they probably have already noticed changes in our patterns, attitudes, or discern that something just isn’t right.
My mother definitely can see right through my soul. Well that’s what I felt during this circumstance.
I can hear her voice so clear 21 years later “Nanny are you pregnant?” I kindly responded with a shameful clueless look “Ma I don’t know”.
The trip to the doctor was a quiet long one, although it was only a couple of miles away. As I laid on the examination table I now entered the world to womanhood at 14 years old. It was confirmed at the appointment that I was 13 weeks pregnant.
I was expecting my mother to make me feel like scum on the earth. She responded totally opposite. My mother gently reassured me with nothing short of God’s authority that my seed was not a mistake. I felt ashamed and disappointed. I felt I deserved every harsh word and judgment from her. She was so confident and encouraging that I could handle this. In that moment I knew I had something to prove to my mother.
Abortion was not an option in my household. (No judgment to anyone who thinks otherwise) I was reared to step up and make the best in any situation. I could not believe I would be someone’s mother.
As the weeks roll by, it was now time to enter high school again and resume my studies as a tenth grader. The first day back the rumors had already begun to float and the stares were aligned as I walked in the commons area.
I arrived wearing my “green coat” that would become a staple in my wardrobe until delivery. lol I don’t know why I felt the coat hid my stomach. Some friends were supportive while others were told not to deal with the “fast girl” by their parents.
I was nervous and afraid that someone would say something that may set me off. However, I knew I had gotten myself into a situation that requires mental stability. My mother had prepped me to go back prepared for the conversations, speculations, and negativity. She continued to pour positivity into me even when she was hurting too. I’m sure my brother was embarrassed as we are only a year apart in age. He also attended school with me.
There were many situations that involved teachers speaking negatively about me to students or each other. Hell, even to me. I was told I wouldn’t be able to raise my son in an healthy environment that promoted wealth because I was young and unmarried. I can remember being nominated and actually winning Homecoming princess all while being pregnant. People were angry. I didn’t ask anyone to vote for me this particular year. My friends encouraged me to participate anyway. So I kindly obliged. (Weird I know)
Even through all the uncomfortable situations I remained focused. As the weeks past, I worked hard to maintain good grades. When it was time to go on maternity leave I was given a homebound teacher. The actual teacher who assured me in the beginning I was ruining my life. Somewhere in between her making reference to how my life would be destroyed and with me cursing her out! We developed a bond that would change my life.
As weeks progressed she begin to change her thoughts about me. She started to push me to potential. I completed all my assignments and test early. We couldn’t believe how focused and determine I had become. I had the highest average in 2 of my classes. I won 2nd most improved sophomore for the school year. I achieved honor roll from 10th grade up to 12th grade every report card period. I had blown my own mind!!
January 27, 1997 I begin to experience labor. In my mind I’m thinking the world is gonna end, Am I dreaming, Holy Crap I’m about to have a baby! After 24 hours of labor my SonShine was born on January 28.
SaVonte Marquis was God’s way of sending me the love that I thought I needed all along. A male child to protect and comfort me. My blessing in disguise. He brings so much joy to so many people. He makes me feel like I can conquer the world!
In every uncomfortable situation there is something you can learn and build upon. God used my son to redirect my mind. I am grateful for being chosen to carry God’s gift! I would change nothing about the experience. Thank you for choosing me!
As I previously posted about words hurting, I too know that words can build!
As the grace of God shined through my mother it also begin to shine through me!