It’s 5:00 am on Mother’s Day and I wake to a heart full of emotions. One being joyful. I am fortunate to still have a mother here on earth. Thank God! I am also able to experience life with my two boys daily, another Thank God!
However ,somehow within all of the joy I feel there is also a place of sadness & hurt.
If you’ve ever lost a child due to sudden death, illness, or any other reason maybe you can relate to this feeling that has creeped into my heart today.
For me ,none of the above occurred ,but I have experienced loss due to miscarriage, four times to be exact. Although from the outside looking in it may appear that situations such as this shouldn’t hold any weight, because you’ve never actually met the child, I beg to differ.
From my experience as a mother, the very moment you realize you are carrying God’s creation there’s an unspoken sense of connection. For every pregnancy I experienced whether it lasted 6 weeks or many more weeks I knew their was a bond.
I don’t have a long summary or amazingly interesting story today as I am still dealing with the emotions attached to the empty place in my heart. Sometimes throughout life you don’t get the time to process or grieve because the expectation placed on miscarriages are that you move forward quickly.
Before one of my doctors retired he made the remark “You’re young. You still can have more.” I felt this was very unsympathetic but at the same time he convinced me that it was just that simple. It was almost like he said “just get over it! “ So I pushed each and every pregnancy to a corner in my heart.
I do understand that everything that occurs in life is already designed by our Heavenly Father. As a Christian, marriage is suppose to come before life. Obviously, my path has been different. As for me, I am accountable regardless of the circumstances. It still does not take away the fact that life was growing inside of me.
I’ve questioned myself regarding reasons that things didn’t go according to my plans. I do know that God will lead you no matter how difficult any hurt is.
Working alongside foster parents and birth parents as a advocate/specialist has also given me insight into the lives of those who foster. It takes chosen and gifted people to stand in the gap of mothers who are unable to care for their children.
So on today think about those who may be experiencing grief, loss, or some type of emptiness. It can be difficult for some on days like this.
Start today off with gratitude and positivity. There maybe someone who needs your sincere love, care & appreciation to make it through today!
I admire anyone who is a mother, carries the role of a mother or has carried a life!!
You are strong & courageous!
Happy Mother’s Day! xoxo 💋