Words do Hurt

I can remember as a child being told that I thought I was pretty. Or more so as the elders would say “she is fast little girl” or “she always wants to be seen.” I honestly did not even think I was close to “pretty".

Initially it didn’t bother me much, as I got older the name calling became “fuel to the fire.” So maybe I did want to be seen or maybe the translation was misinterpreted?

I didn’t necessarily want to be seen but I did want to feel love and affection. I wanted my dad to need me in his life. My goal was to do anything possible to get the message relayed to my dad, that I was out of control. I tried hard to get his attention no matter the cost. Somehow I figured that these actions would provoke him to care enough to either come visit or take his family back. But..... that didn’t work!

My plan actually backfired and caused my mother a great deal of hurt, and certain embarrassment as well.

Over time, I began to spiritually destroy myself. I had no idea the decisions and actions that I had taken on would cause me and my family so much pain. If someone said I was a specific type of person or referenced me in a negative light I wanted to prove them right.

As weird as it may sound , I made it a personal challenge. I did not understand in the midst of it all that I just didn’t love myself. I had taken on a persona that was sent early on by the enemy to destroy my life. See the battle with whom I am in God’s eyes started for me as a child. I’ve been in defense & battle mode pretty much my entire life.

I don’t remember a time where I did not battle through dreams and physical pain.

It’s all I’ve grown to know.

The seed was planted. It is important to try to understand someone before assumptions are made and or names are called. We all battle with something. You never know what you maybe encouraging to manifest within an individual’s life.

Some of the conflict and issues we can’t seem to shake may in fact be a result of our childhood. Rejection alone brings forth many other issues such as: depression, loneliness, dependency, self hate and unforgiveness just to name a few.

Many of us spend years trying to breakout of those difficult strongholds and some people leave this world without the chance to do so.

Speak life into situations even when it doesn’t seem life exists!!! “Sticks and stones may break our bones but WORDS WILL DEFINITELY HURT!!!”

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